


Maybe It’s Okay

by clearwaterbottle



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Aged Up!AU, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Dirty Jokes, Everybody is 16, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearwaterbottle/pseuds/clearwaterbottle
Summary: Neil walks into his tent and rethinks things over.
Relationships: Max/Neil (Camp Camp), MaxNeil - Relationship
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

“See you all at 7:00am sharp! I’ll be checking on you campers at 9:30 to make sure you guys get to sleep!!” David waves is off.

‘How the fuck is he so happy?’ Neil glooms. Neil went back to the tent to get his shower stuff ready. His hair now pushing him a way from the top of the tent. Neil grew taller since his first arrival at Camp Camp. In fact, everyone did. But Neil and Nurf are the tallest. 

Neil smiles. He likes to think about before he realized that he likes boys. When life wasn’t so complicated, and it was just kids playing together and messing up stuff.

But now, it’s, uncomfortable. His crushes are a burden. He shouldn’t even like boys. He should like Tabii or one of the girls in camps, he just can’t.

“Fuck,” he murmurs.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Max snorts.

“Nothing,” Neil snaps. He wants to dissolve into nothing.

Max would just turn it against him. Nobody knew, nobody knows, and nobody will ever find out. Camp is the one place he can escape the torment of his school mates, he’s not going to make it a summer tradition too. 

“What ever you say princess,” Max starts to pull out his shower stuff; “We should get to the showers, there should be a few open. But it wont be warm, they aren’t gonna fix the showers until next Tuesday.”

Neil didn’t question the resources of Max.   
“Ugh, cold water.” Neil grimaces.

He starts undressing. His eyes locked on the cubby number in front of him. Memorizing the number he’s seen hundreds of times. Avoiding the sight of any bodies. Neil didn’t like undressing in front of others. His body image distorted. He dislikes the bones protruding from his skin. He’s too pale, too skinny, to hairy for his tastes. 

Although he wouldn’t admit it out loud but he envies every boy in the room. They all had better aspects of themselves, confident and at least comfortable enough to not have a slight shake in his hand.  
Especially Max. Neil finds him the most attractive. Max wasn’t over/under weight, his skin looks healthy, and his body has enough hair to be handsome but not so much he looks like a bear. The opposite of Neil. He sighs softly, wrapping the towel around his waist, still slipping down to his hips. Too thin. He grabs the plastic basket filled with hygiene products. 

He stands against a tile covered wall waiting in line for the next open shower.   
Looking at his boney feet. And only looking up to move. ‘I need to trim my toenails’ his face tranced on floor.

“Dude, you have clown feet,” Max chuckles.  
“So?” He glares at the smaller boy, forgetting his rule.  
“Just thinking out loud,” Max grins. 

‘The fuck is he getting at’ Neil continues glancing at the trouble maker.  
He catches Max looking at his chest. Neil has a very hairy chest for someone his age. His nipples are to big, he is pink from swimming in the sun, and his ribs making the skin ripple. His arm cross over each other hoping it covers his chest a bit more. Looking back to the ground. His skin more uncomfortable then ever to be on his bones.   
The person he envies most, judging his body. 

“Neil you can go into shower number 6!” David cheers. He always wants the showering to go fast so he could go off and snort mud and earth before night time check ups.

He opened the stall door. Closing it quick. He unwraps his towel and puts it on a old bench and enters the shower. 

He walks quickly back to the tent, ignoring the embarrassing questions Nikki started asking.   
“Can you actually move the skin around the scrotum?” Or “Do boners hurt?”

“Nikki! You can’t ask me these questions!” He blushes.

“I heard in Jewish culture they do weird things to the baby’s foreskin. Is it true Neil?”

“OH MY GOD NIKKI!! STOP ASKING IF IM CIRCUMCISED OR NOT!!” Neil reddens even more.

“Woah Nikki, I thought you liked girls?” Max snickers.

“What?” The Jewish boy questions. 

“Did you not tell him?” Max raises a brow.

“Oh yeah! I forgot to tell him!” Nikki turns her attention back to Neil. “I like girls!” 

“Cool?” Neil smiles. It wasn’t right. Girls and boys not boys and boys or girls and girls. But this was Nikki, his best friend.

“Also Neil is uncircumcised, Nikki,” Max whispers loudly.

“Traitor!!“ Neil gasps. 

They all giggle. They were still young.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares.

His face was dripping with sweat, his mother called his name repeatedly. Everything was loud and everything blurred.

He was in his room. The walls warping into different quadrilaterals. The book in his lap was speaking.

“Daddy’s not going to be happy with you.”

The book was getting heavy. Crushing his legs.

“He doesn’t like people like you.” 

The words were being written in black ink. The book screamed the two phrases over and over.

His legs made a deafening snap and the book became too heavy.

He woke up, in his bed. In the cabin.   
“Max are you awake?”  
Max’s head cracked as it turned 180 degrees.  
Max’s face was blurry but his teeth shined through.   
“Love me? Like a faggot could win my heart.”

Faggot?

The word overlaps itself. Faggot?  
“I bet this is why you’re bullied at school. Who would give up the chance? You know it’s wrong yet you still haven’t changed it?” 

‘I’ve tried! Really!’

“Those shitty attempts didn’t work out? What a surprise. Who would’ve expected more from a bitch like you?”

‘Max please stop.’  
He cried but didn’t feel the tears.

“Why? So I don’t hurt you?” Everything went black but Neil’s bunk and Max’s silhouette.

‘Max s-stop.’

“Pussy. You can’t handle the truth?”  
Max got up from his bed.  
“You should've learned by now that life doesn’t go your way. This whole thing, it’s your fault. You’re your own fucking poison.” 

‘M-Max please I’ve been-‘

“No body gives a shit, NEIL.”

‘Stop it...’

“NEIL”

‘Please’

“NEIL WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

Neil shoots up. His body shaking in a cold sweat, his face itchy from tears.

“Neil, dude, the fuck were you dreaming about?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story so far has been an interpretation of my struggle of finding out I like boys. Though my family has been supportive they still slip up with it, making it more uncomfortable for me. But Neil gets a happy ending you just have to wait.


	3. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s out.

Neil clenches his stomach in fear.  
He can’t tell anyone.

“Are you gonna answer me?” Max pokes at the shaking boy.

“It-it’s nothing,” the Jewish boy trembles.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing to me,” Max rolls his eyes.

“It doesn’t concern you,” Neil snarls.

“Considering you were crying my name like a baby, I think it does,” Max shot back.

“Well even if I did tell you, which I’m not planning to, you’d just think I’m a weirdo,” Neil glares.

“Well tough shit, you’re a fucking weirdo, now spit it out,” The smaller boy waves his hands to exaggerate the word ‘weirdo’.

“But- “Stop making excuses.” Max cut Neil off.

“It’s not that easy!” Neil spit. 

“Anything is easy to say if you don’t think about it. How do you think I earned the glorious title of being the camp asshole?” Max wiggles his eyebrows.

Neil looks down at his blanket. The hypothetical cons could ruin his life and are more likely then the pros.  
It would ruin everything. His friends will never talk to him again. David would tell his dad. His dad would flip.

“If it’s that difficult, I can tell you something about me in exchange for all of the details,” The small boy compromises.

“No,” The tall boy shot down.

“I promise I won’t get mad,” Max starts poking the lanky boys arm. “I won’t tell anybody either.”

“You wouldn’t get mad? About it, even if it was something terrible?” Neil cautiously pokes the offer.

“I won’t be mad, even if you killed a rabbit and put it under my bed,” Max promises.  
Neil looks up at the boy on account of the strangely specific scenario. “Before you came here my tent-mate put dead rabbits under my bed for good luck. It was gross and smelled terrible.” Max explains.

Neil looks back down.  
“Only if you verbally promise not to tell anyone. And if you break the promise I get your pudding for the rest of the summer.” Neil pulls his knees close to his chest.

“Dude I have promises from 2nd grade that I still keep.” Max states.

“Then say that you promise.” 

“I swear I won’t get mad, and I won’t tell anybody, and if I do you get my pudding for the rest of Summer.” Max spoke.

“I-I think- I know- it’s like- you know how- when...” Neil stutters. He sighs with frustration at the difficulty of saying it.  
Max sits on the edge of the bunk patently. 

“I’m gay.” Neil whispers. Max would’ve missed it if he wasn’t paying so much attention.

“And?” Max smiles. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil puts his head against his folded knees, hiding his face.

“Well I understand that may have been difficult for you but, why would you think I would be mad?” Max chuckles.

Neil shoots up an angry look.  
“Why aren’t you?! It’s not ok to like the same gender!” Neil cries.

“You were fine with Nikki being a lesbian, why is it not ok for you to be gay?” Max questions the other males ideology.

“But that’s Nikki! It’s okay if she is!” Neil hiccups in between sobs.

“Thats a dumb way to think.” Max pats Neil’s head.

“But- it “Well Neil has anyone ever actually ever said anything homophobic to or around you?” Max continues touching his tent mate’s sandy colored hair.

“N-no,” Neil starts to mess with his nails.

“Then why are you so afraid?” Max moves slowly further onto the twin mattress.

“I just- I-I don’t entirely know.” The pale skinned boy shakes.

“Sounds like dumb anxiety,” Max says while wrapping his arms around the coiled boy. “I won’t tell anyone, but if you do, and anyone talks shit, I’ll poison-“You won’t do shit and you’ll comfort me.” Neil smiles tiredly. 

“That doesn’t sound half bad,” Max grins while lying down.

Neil, although hesitant, lays down next to him. The smaller boy once again wraps his arms around the larger boy.

“You don’t-“Don’t ruin the moment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The may have fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> More angst next chapter!! This one is supposed to be a bit more light hearted but the next one will spit on your grave :)


End file.
